This time I painted a sense of me. How I feel about a something that perhaps I haven't identified as having a single word for its description. Conceivably the 'something' is a collection of sensations that make up an emotional and spiritual assertion. An assertion that perhaps in part expresses having the courage to defend our own soul.

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If our morality consists of ferreting out oppressors and damning them, well I suppose so long as those oppressors are not ourselves then that's very convenient. And in doing so we can localise a concept of evil without ever having to face the capacity for evil within our own hearts. Yet we only have to look to our individual past to see how easily we opress ourselves - rather than stretch we stay in an illusion that we're used to, operating from a delusion that there's a pathway forward that doesn't involve suffering and we discount the risk of that choice. Basically, we lie to ourselves. We simply delay the suffering and so it multiplies. We continue to deny the evidence before our own eyes and ears. We avoid that which causes us anxiety. We avoid the difficulty. We silence ourselves. On a grander stage we have seen large groups become silent simply by lying, denying the evidence before their own eyes and ears. For fear of being unpopular. Perhaps simply for the sake of the promise of a sense of normality. From fatigue. And in that brief moment we create hell on earth.
Truth. The truth must be recognised. And if we cannot speak the truth for some reason then the very least we can do is refuse to lie. Refuse to say the risk of a well considered choice leading to an unknown future is greater than the miserable known present. Refuse to say no one will ever want me. Refuse to say I have nothing to offer. Refuse to say I am broken. Refuse to say I am a failure. None of us is only one thing. Everyone of us has succeeded in something every day. In refusing to lie then lies cease to exist. "Let their rule hold Not Through Me". The truth can then become visible.

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And what are we aiming for that could hopefully demand honesty from us? Demand that we refrain from wallowing in the warm septic of mediocrity and spiritual decay? What are we serving? If we only aim at being happy well we have a weak and potentially narrow direction for sure. Because in the midst of harrowing pain when we don't feel happy suddenly life could lose its meaning. So perhaps we need to seek something far greater. Adventure, stretch, growth, contribution, integrity and sincerity with every word and action. When happiness wells within us as a result of those endeavours then perhaps for that brief and magical moment we just created heaven on earth.
As I defend mine, defend your soul. All my love, Jo ❤

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